Table of Healing

“What would you like to be called? ‘Brittani?’ or ‘Brit?’”  she asked with sincere eyes.

I squirmed in my seat.  I moved my hands a little.  I was overly conscious of my body language - careful to not to give her the wrong idea about me.  Not sure what I wanted her to call me, I said, “Doesn’t matter to me. Most of my friends call me BFry.  But whatever you want to call me is fine.”

“Hey, that’s a cool name!” After some more small talk she asked, “What do you hope to gain from this time together?”

My eyes grew wide.  I knew my name. I know about myself, but the reason I was there….that I didn’t know.  My eyes glanced at the peaceful beach picture to my right, then to the glistening Christmas lights hanging around the room, then back down to her eyes.  “Focus,” I reminded myself. “Don’t forget to make eye contact. And smile. Be pleasant,” continued my internal monologue. I hesitantly answered, “I guess just some coping skills.”  She nodded at me as to continue me to say more.

“More?  I don’t have more,” my brain screamed.

I sputter, “And stuff like that.”

My brain satisfactory remarks, “Yeah, that will cover it.”

“Okay.  We can work on that together.  Anything else?” she so politely asks.

“No, I think that’s it,” I stammer out with as much confidence as I could.  Meanwhile, my brain was in panic mode wondering what else there could be.

But what I didn’t know - was there was something else.

Some of the greatest things in life are unexpected moments.  We think one thing will happen, but something so much more comes from it.

You think you are going to a concert with your best friend, but end up running into her friends from college.  You went thinking you’re going to have a good time with your best friend and see a good show, but ended up leaving having had a good time with with your best friend, seeing a good show, AND gaining new friendships.

You think you are going to the car lot to buy a new car to get you to work, but end up finding a better vehicle that just came on the lot with some accessories you needed.  You went thinking you’re going to come home with a car that would get you by, but ended up leaving with a reliable vehicle for the long haul.

Expectations can go the polar opposite as well, but not in this story:

One Sabbath, when Jesus went to eat in the house of a prominent Pharisee, he was being carefully watched. There in front of him was a man suffering from abnormal swelling of his body. Jesus asked the Pharisees and experts in the law, “Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath or not?” But they remained silent. So taking hold of the man, he healed him and sent him on his way.

--Luke 14:1-4

A suffering man went thinking he was going to see Jesus, but ended up leaving healed from his suffering.

The same goes for my story too.  You see there was “something else.”  Week after week, I sit on that same couch.  The first few months I was eager to learn coping skills “and stuff like that.”  I walked in there each time expecting that. But that’s not the only part of the story.

Under those shimmering Christmas lights, I sit on the same couch across the table from my therapist. I think we’ve talked about coping skills twice since October.  Instead each week I end up leaving healed from my suffering.

Every time I have an appointment, I’m excited to sit at the table of healing.  I know Jesus is on that couch next to me and coaching me through speaking honestly and openly in that sacred space.  Each week I leave with “something else” - encouragement, better self-care, increased self-confidence, feeling cared for, feeling listened to, positivity, shifted perspective, and rest [thanks, Megan!].

Jesus shows up and Jesus heals.  Even when you don’t see anything else, know that there is something else.

Side Note (more like Side Notes):  I promised back in October that I would be open and honest about my anxiety journey.  So here we are….the first of many follow ups with a blog about therapy. I’m not going to be a therapy-pusher, but I have been thinking about getting help for years.  But it wasn’t until I went to my family doctor that I actually made moves towards seeing a professional. She recommended it as something to go with the meds she prescribed.

Therapy (counseling, coaching, and “stuff like that”) is something that I think we all secretly imagine has this unspoken stigma about it.  Except I’m now convinced all of that is truly imaginary and a lie. Most people are proud of you for going or curious if it will help them (and it will, even if there isn’t something “wrong”).

So I’m telling you this - if you think (just even a little bit) it would be good to see someone about life, then go!  I know it seems scary or uncomfortable, but let me tell you the hardest part (and I think the only hard part about it)....making the phone call.

The research of what is covered by insurance is easy.  I could find that out online without having to call my insurance company. You can read reviews and shop around...that’s easy.  But I put off calling the office I selected for days….maybe weeks, if I’m truly honest. Once I did, giving them information was even easy.. Talking to my therapist is easy.  So I just want to encourage you to make the phone call. It’s the hardest part, but remember that there is “something else” beyond that.

Also, do research about it.  I love this amazing podcast called “Not Another Anxiety Show.”  They talk about a lot of really human topics and make me feel more okay about it.  One of the co-hosts has a hilarious, but really authentic blog about therapy that you can read here.  The other is a panic and anxiety coach.  She has an informational and encouraging video on this page about getting help breaking the anxiety cycle as well.

You can follow my journey by clicking the "Anxiety" tab in the upper right.